I've been reading a book about brokenness and the author talks about being broken in the right place. His assertion is that there is brokenness in the wrong place that results in bitterness, distorted views of self and God, fear, self-pity, even hatred. But when there is brokenness in the right place, the result is humility, increased faith and dependence on God and evidence of fruit of the Spirit.
God has healed me of the brokenness in the wrong place. Hallelujah! However, this was such an overwhelming time in my life that it felt more like breaking than healing. I always thought healing would be a more pleasant experience. In my case that was a wrong assumption. But healing is so much better than living in defeat. It was so worth it!!
Then, right on the heels of this came a time of great hurt, fear, loneliness and isolation. I experienced pain of a very different kind. Now that I have some perspective, I am realizing that this was probably a process of being broken in the right place. (my ah-ha moment) God has been slowly, but surely showing me areas that need surrendering, especially my pride. He is showing me His unconditional love, His patience, His authority, His amazing grace....I guess you could say I'm seeing a bit more clearly who He is. I'm experiencing this reality rather than just knowing it is true.
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever. Psalm 30:11-12
In my last blog I spoke about the desire for joy. I recently came across some information on joy. I learned that joy is faith-oriented, not emotion-driven. It is based on God's goodness, His expressions of grace and love in our lives and on what He is able to do. When I focus my hope on God and what He can do rather than on my circumstances, I will find the faith to stand in joy.
I also learned that people who have been broken by the Lord, (broken in the right place) nearly always have a cheerful disposition because they understand it isn't about them. They have a big view of God and they aren't prideful or pessimistic. They are humble in a healthy way. They have a growing understanding of God's love and that they are cherished by Him.
This is what I desire. But it scares me. Honestly. I've had a taste of what Jesus experienced here on earth and it's not fun. Be careful when you pray "Your will be done" and "I want to be more like Jesus." God will answer that prayer. But, even if you don't ask for it, you might just get it anyway because it is His will that His children be conformed more and more into His image. He simply loves us too much to leave us to our independent, wayward, selfish ways.
As my trust in God's character (His unfailing love, His mercy, His patience, His goodness) continues to grow I think I will fear His correction less and welcome it more. I hope. :)
(I think I see a faint glow on the horizon!)
The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. Psalm 116: 5-7
Until next time..
and the greatest of these is love
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