H.S.M.S.: February 2012

"Healthy people don't need a doctor - sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners."

-Jesus (Mark 2:17)

I have to go way back in my memory to my earliest, carefree days on the farm to catch glimpses of a child who felt like all was right in the world. Too soon, at too tender of an age those illusions were crushed. Seeds of brokenness were sown which grew into beliefs about myself. Beliefs that left no doubts that I needed a doctor. Healthy people don't need a doctor - sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners. There was never a doubt in my mind that I needed a Savior. I knew in my CORE that I wasn't good enough for a Holy God. Mark 2:17 gave me great hope. I knew I was a sinner. Jesus came to call ME!

I used to envy people who have never struggled with the things I've struggled with. They have always known God as a loving Father, have always felt OK in His presence. But I don't envy them any longer. I know that she who has been forgiven much also loves much.

And I do LOVE Jesus! One time I was praying while leading worship and often as the Spirit leads I'm only half aware of what I'm saying. My husband later said, "that's how I want to be, that the story of Jesus' sacrifice will always bring me to tears" - then I remembered saying that during my prayer. It is true that very often when I reflect on who Jesus is and what He has done I am moved to tears. It is a gut level, physical response to His love and I simply can't help it.

I used to think I could never have the love of God because I was just too broken, damaged and not good enough. I knew in my head this wasn't correct, but I just couldn't shake the underlying belief. But Jesus didn't just come to CALL the sinners, He came to heal, redeem and RESTORE them!! :-) (Luke 4: 18-21, Isaiah 61)

I have a relative who restores old vehicles and machines. I see his pictures on facebook. The rusty, broken, worn out pieces are transformed into something useable and beautiful. I love these pictures. I can relate.